Escaping The Comparison Trap
The comparison trap can affect each and everyone of us, particularly now, since the use of Social Media. In the world of “likes” “followers”, and engagement, it can seem that anyone who has a ton more than you is more worthy than you are.
Read on if you are someone who suffers from comparing yourself all the time to everyone else.
Whenever we read of our friends or connections achievements our own perceived failings can pop up. We begin to measure ourselves against everyone else. In some ways, it can be helpful. For instance, we might be inspired and motivated to improve our lot in life. Also, when we are recognised as having achieved something it boosts our self esteem.
On the other hand, when we are comparing ourselves with others, it can have the opposite affect, leaving us feeling inferior and down about our lack of progress.
The algorithms on Social Media don’t help when they push those popular posts up our newsfeed discouraging us even further.
The Comparison Trap Is Normal – We All Compare Ourselves
Comparing our achievements or looks to someone else’s is in our basic human nature, there is no escaping that. What needs to happen is to be more aware of why we do it, how we can stop feeling so negative and keep us feeling positive, on and offline.
Lets face it, the comparison trap affects us from an early age. In school, even when we are walking down the street.
How many times have you seen someone super fit jogging by you and you immediately think, “wow, I wish I looked as good as that”.
Remember though, that person jogging by might be half your age.
Generally, though, we tend to compare ourselves to family, friends, colleagues and business connections, especially on social media. It is usually about our appearance, wealth, success or maybe our achievements online.
If we aren’t careful, “comparitis” can deflate us and stop us in our tracks, and have a negative affect on our growth in our business.
It Gets Better With Age
If we continue to compare downwards instead of upwards we are going to go nowhere fast.
Comparing upwards will help with self improvement because it makes us try harder. If we continue to say things like “I will never be as beautiful as that”. OR “I’ll never do what she does” it will result in you sinking into depression.
Its no secret that the comparison trap gets better with age. What bothered you in your 20’s will probably not bother you in your 40’s or 50’s.
According to Psychology Today though,
“Social media has created this lifelong adolescence. It makes it too easy to keep making comparisons in a very adolescent way”. – Rebecca Webber, Psychology Today.
Facebook for instance can paint rosy pictures of peoples lives, making you feel your’s doesn’t come up to scratch.
The BEST way to stop falling into the trap of comparing is to develop and maintain a strong and stable sense of SELF.
Work on your identity, your self esteem and interact with people who see who you really are. Social Media is a good way of putting ourselves out there but it is not the vehicle of how to feel good inside. YOU can feel good inside by valuing yourself more. I have a course on building your self esteem called WORTHY OF WEALTH. This is well worth taking if you want to build a strong self esteem and confidence.
Helpful Suggestions For The Future
Limit your time on Social Media – when you make relationships, create those that you would value offline as well.
Practice comparing yourself UPWARD not downwards. If you have to compare to someone else, compare to someone who is a above you a rung or two, not someone who is a top earner or leader.
Be thankful for the blessings in your life. Focus on the good things instead of what you lack. You have more than you know.
If you have to compare, compare to yourself. Focus on your own goals and celebrate your achievements. If you haven’t done as well as you hoped, you can work on doing better next time.
Ravi Chandra says:
“Instead of generating envy, which is a form of hostility, explore what you admire and appreciate about other people and cultivate joy for their success. It can be a catalyst for personal growth”
A Quick and Easy Video on Escaping The Comparison Trap
Home Business Entrepreneurs
This post is so important for you. When we are using Social Media to build our business, it is far too easy to compare with those who are doing “better” than you. If you aren’t careful, this will drag you down and deflate you. If you work on your confidence, self esteem and mindset, you will become less affected by others. You will concentrate on your own development and use comparisons more with yourself and how this month or day, you’re doing better than the last one.
My coach used the word “comparitis” a lot because its something you have to be aware of. You might be prevented from doing live videos on Facebook because you’re worried what others think. You might think you don’t look as good as someone else.
However, if you have a strong, inner sense of self, those things won’t matter. You will be proud of who you are and not afraid to share yourself across Social Media.
My final word: Be happy with who YOU ARE
If you enjoyed or got some value from todays post, Escaping the Comparison Trap, I would love to hear from you. Drop me a comment below and let me know.
Acknowledgement to Rebecca Webber for her more detailed article in Psychology Today. December 2017
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Business/Life Coach, Entrepreneur and Author
Helping You To Be A New and Better You
Email me at Lynda@lyndakennyonline.com